One Week Down

It's been a few days since my last post. I've been really busy this week. So much to do and so little time! That means we should get started! (I have dinner to make after all :D).

Hmm, so what's new, what's new? I have added a few pages too this blog, each one a different review that I have done on the site goodreads.com. This site is a pretty, well rounded, book club style review site for any books you've ever read. I highly suggest that you sign up for a free account and use it to find new stuff to read. Also, feel free to follow me on there or to just click the links on the right side of this page to read some of the reviews that I have written. Ok, there is my free little plug for them.

I have spent a lot of time this week working on improving my life on the digital side of things. Last weekend, to my regret, I found that I have an insufficient power supply for the computer that I am re-building. Minor setback, but it just kind of sucks, because it is the like, sixth set-back in a row with this particular project. I really want to get this computer up and running because right now I have no real way to play any real games, which unfortunately is the best way for me to keep in touch with my inner circle of friends.

Speaking of games, the computer setback got me itching for some gaming. Someone during my week mentioned that he was replaying Final Fantasy 6, and that sounded like a fantastic idea to me. So, I jumped on the linux side of my Chromebook (a successful minor project resulting from the first failure with the desktop) and installed a Super Nintendo emulator. This was probably not necessary, I'm almost certain that my girl has the actual cartridge, but that's alright. I mostly just wanted to see if I could do it, and turns out that I can, even with the shit hardware that Chromebooks tend to come on.

Wow, this post is already turning into a monster, so I guess I should get to the rundown.

Physically I have been doing pretty well. I continue to lose weight, even without the yoga or anything remotely resembling exercise, and I'm ok with that. I did have an extremely strong urge yesterday to workout, and I think that as soon as I start my new desk job I will have to make that a priority. Hopefully then I will start to have a lot more energy due to not being on my feet all day.

Mentally I continue to accelerate back up to my nominal speeds. This week I had my first real multi-tasking event for the first time in the last several years, and all week long my focus has been getting stronger and stronger. Prolong engagement of my mind is becoming more and more frequent and my upper levels of thought are regaining their knifes edge as I continue to exercise my brain.

Emotionally I had a bit of a set-back this week. It was brief, but it was strong. I'm still not entirely sure what set it off, but on Monday Chey came home and was having a rather rough day. She took a bit of it out on me, which is fine, and I don't blame her because I know that she didn't mean it, but it did set off an emotional trigger in me. I should have just let it roll of my back like I do with all of the other conflicts in my life, but for some reason, this one struck home. That night at work I had the first anxiety attack that I have had in the last 2 years. It wasn't a full blown event, but there were some palpitations in my heart and some difficulty focusing on my work. Things of course have gotten better for both of us since then, but it was still a setback on my side this week.

Financially little has changed. I am finally starting to have some money to spend on myself as my debts start to fall off, and that's nice. I trust Chey is still on top of things and I leave it at that.

Spiritually I feel myself every day getting more and more in tune with the universe. It's very gradual, but as time crawls on I feel that I am starting to find my groove. I believe this is mostly just a positive indicator that the other seven areas of my life are starting to line up, but I still am not putting much thought into this particular area yet.

Educationally this was a neutral week. I have learned a few small yet important things this week, but nothing really new since last week has changed. Most of it relates to how hard it is to get dropbox to work the way I intend it too on linux.

Vocationally things are going great. I officially got my offer from the new company this week, which I graciously accepted, and I filled out of my tax forms and I-9 paperwork. I know my start date, and my starting pay, and soon I will put in my notice to current employer. I'm very excited about this development and I can't wait to get started.

Socially I am doing better. I spent some time with Dylan last week, and that kind of turned into an impromptu party unexpectedly. This suited me just fine as it allowed me to see Shelby, Topher, and Lindsay, all three of whom I hadn't seen in at least as long as Dylan. I'm going to be going down south again tomorrow to spend some more time with Dylan as well as my parents. I love Chey and spending time with her, yet it is nice to get away for an afternoon now and again to hang out with my friends. It's nothing compared to how much I was seeing everyone just a few months ago, but better than it has been in the last couple of months. Chey and I have made a lot of progress in fixing the problems between us and I feel that this has left a bit of wiggle room to get out and see the other people in my life.

All in all, this week has been a real good one. Work has been easy, I have been keeping the house clean, and no one is terribly mad at me. Here's too hoping that this become a trend!

Physical: 9/10

Mental: 9/10

Emotional: 5/10 

Spiritual: 9/10

Financial: 9/10

Vocational: 10/10

Educational: 7/10

Social: 9/10

Total: 87

Grade: B+

So far so good

Hell yeah, I've actually made a second post. This, I believe, is a first for me. Maybe this will actually work.

Alright, so let's see. In the last few days since my post, a few things have happened. For starters, me and Chey have done a lot of talking. We have been discussing our relationship and how we communicate with each other. I think it's a rather interesting coincidence that we started talking about how we communicate almost exactly the same time at which I decide to start blogging.

She has had me reading some books about relationships and I have found these to be rather enlightening. As it turns out, women are not as complicated as most of us guys think once you take into account a couple of ideas. First, most of us guys process our feelings by ignoring them and doing other things for a while why we sort them out in the background. Most women on the other hand process emotion by talking about them. Second, almost everything that a woman does or thinks has emotion tied to it. This is because their brain is like a dual-core processor, that has one thread for logical thought, and a second thread tied to the first that processes emotion. This is a good thing because it means that women can multitask far better then men. The third thing is, a lot of the time when women are upset about a problem in their life, they don't want us to necessarily solve the problem, the just want us to actively listen to how this problem is making them feel.

Now of course, this is a grossly oversimplified version of what I've read, but it seems to make sense to me. If any of you women out there disagree, please, comment below and let me know where I screwed it up. I'm making an honest effort here to learn how to better interact with the fairer sex, and I need to know if I'm approaching this wrong.

Ok, now that I'm past that, I guess I should talk about the rest of my week. I've spent some time hanging out with some friends that I haven't seen in months (unfortunately that is more likely the rule than the exception for me lately, a rule I am trying very hard to change). I have also set up some times to see some of my friends later this weekend, and after I get done writing this post, I'm probably going to pick a direction and just go, hitting up whatever friends cross my path. I've been lacking in the social department the last few months as I've been getting my career and my home life on track.

Physically I have been doing well. I'm down another 3 pounds this week, even though all I've done different this week is cut out the bread and use tortillas instead. I've been sleeping better even though I have reduced my medication again. It seems that my body is finally starting to get used to sleeping a full night through, and now I may not actually need so much help.

For the past few months it seems as though my eyes have been getting worse, but that might just be my imagination. It may be that I just need to clean my glasses more often, or that I need to put more effort into making my eyes focus.

Mentally I seem to be getting stronger every day. I've kind of been on a mental vacation for the last few months as my life has gotten progressively worse. The last couple of weeks I have spent a little more time each day applying myself however, and it seems to be paying off. I'm starting to engage other more often, I'm having less trouble remembering things, my focus is getting better, and my thoughts are starting to race again. It has been a very gradual thing, and I'm sure that part of it is that I'm reducing my zombie-creating meds, but I know that part of it has also been effort on my part. I'm starting to sound like myself in my head again. Feels good to be back. 

Spiritually nothing has changed for me in the last few weeks. I seem to be getting along just fine there, and it seems that recently I have found my groove in the universe. I'll spend some more time examining this later when I have less on my plate.

Financially very little has changed. Chey is still in charge of that part of my life. I can't express with words alone how grateful I am to have her assistance with that. I'm not sure what my hangup is with money, however I'm leaning towards the theory that it's just that I have made mountain of a mess with my finances and that I just don't want to deal with it. I'm extremely lucky to have a partner that is willing to help me so thoroughly in that department.

My education has had a spike this week. I found a site a while back called sliderule that helps you find both free and paid online course for any subject that you might be interested in. When I found this site, I knew that I would want to use it at some point in the future, but I didn't have time then. After exploring it a bit yesterday, I discovered a course on how to use Python on web servers that seems just what I'm looking for. I haven't sat done and done any work on it yet, but I'm sure I will soon.

Mmmm, good coffee! :D Sorry, wild tangent.

Umm, let's see. Vocationally, I'm still on the right path. I don't want to give away the surprise yet, but I received word yesterday about when some changes in my life are going to happen, so here in about 3 weeks I should be able to tell the internet as a whole.

That just leaves my emotional state. I'm still very disconnected from this side of myself. Me and the Doc have talked about how to section of that side of myself in order to keep it from influencing the rest of myself in a negative fashion, and I believe that I have gotten that particular skill down. Doing it in reverse is much hard it seems. I think part of it is the zombie meds, yet I know I'm still not making the connection on my end either. I do think that I've been able to successfully resolve some of the issues around my job, Chey, my friends, and my money, and while I don't feel any exuberant feelings of joy, I do think that I can sense the overall feeling of relief. I'm going to have to ask Doc about this and see if he thinks I'm ready to fully reintegrate my emotions into my greater self.

Anyways, I think that is just about all for now. This seems very therapeutic to me, so I suppose that I will just have to keep it up. I don't want to seem too eager, but I feel like I'm finding my voice again. We'll see how it goes. Alright, here's my report card:

Physical: 9/10

Mental: 8/10

Emotional: 6/10 

Spiritual: 9/10

Financial: 9/10

Vocational: 8/10

Educational: 7/10

Social: 6/10

Total: 82/100

Grade: B-

If you write it, they will come...

Greetings internet,

My name is Ceej Walker (pronounced Siege). I'm not a writer, I don't have a English degree, and I'm not the type of person who really has a reason to write. At least, I haven't had a reason up until now. I've heard some really good advice as to why I should write a blog and how to focus it.

So here goes. This is going to be my blog about how I'm trying to fix my life one step at time. Full disclosure: I'm not someone who grew up with nothing, and I'm not someone who is homeless or who hit rock bottom. I'm just an average guy who wants to improve my life in every way. 

I want to have it all, the good job, the loving relationship, friends who care about me, excellent credit, and a good relationship with my parents. Now some of these things I already have to some extent. For instance, I already get along pretty well with my parents, but I don't want to lose that as I move forward. Losing my relationship with my parents for a better job, as an example, would be unacceptable.

There ya go, that's my goal with this blog. We know the why, now for the how. I believe heavily in the quantified self. If you don't keep data and track how things are going in your life, then it is a hundred times harder to figure out where the issues are and how to fix them. As I write about my life, I'm going to be keeping track of some measurements as to how my life is at that point. Hopefully with these trackers I will be able to steer my actions into constructive behavior and habits that make me into the man that I want to be. I decided on a blog over just a journal because if there is some kind of social obligation to keep writing maybe I won't just drop this after a couple of posts like I do all of my other writing projects.

Here are the quantifiers that I will be using to track my progress every day.

• Physical (How my body is doing, have I lost weight, is my back hurting, how am I sleeping, etc.)
• Mental (How fast am I thinking, how often do I forget stuff, how distracted am I on a daily basis, etc.)
• Emotional (Am I flying off the handle at people, am I slipping back in to my depression, am I angry at someone, etc.)
• Financial (How is my savings account looking, did I have an unexpected cost like a blown tire, do I have money for the things I want, etc.)
• Spiritual (How close do I feel to the ethereal, do I have a place in the universe, etc.)
• Vocational (How is my job going, am I happy at my job, have I made progress in moving up, am I getting better at it, etc.)
• Educational (Am I continually learning things, am I expanding my world view, do I know the things I need to know, etc.)
• Social (How often do I see/talk with my friends, are my social circles expanding, do I treat my friends well, etc.)

In order to keep track of these, every time I post I'm going to be giving myself a grade of 1 to 10 in each of these areas. For my continued dedication to posting and keeping the blog rolling, as well as to make the math easy, I'm going to give myself an additional 20 points. These numbers will total up into my Self Global Rating. If you interested where I came up with this idea, you can read more at this page.

I think that about wraps it up for today. If you have any questions please feel free to comment below or shoot me a message on Twitter or G+. I will do my best to make this a conversation based blog, and I would love to hear what you think, and for you to tell you friends. I can use all the help I can get with the motivation for writing, so please jump right in.

-Ceej